As our parents grow older, many of us find ourselves stepping into a new role: advocate, helper, and sometimes caretaker. One of the most important — and sensitive — responsibilities adult children may take on is helping their aging parents plan for the future.
Estate planning isn’t just about legal documents. It’s about making sure your loved ones’ wishes are honored, their assets are protected, and their future needs are thoughtfully addressed. But what exactly can you do as a son or daughter? And when is it time to involve an attorney?
Let’s break it down.
What You Can Do
- Start the Conversation
Perhaps the most valuable thing you can do is open the door to honest discussion. Bring up the topic with compassion and patience. Ask if they’ve created a will, whether they have a power of attorney, or if they’ve considered long-term care planning. You may be surprised to find they’ve been thinking about it too. - Offer Help with Organization
Estate planning often requires gathering information — account statements, insurance policies, deeds, contact information for advisors, etc. Offer to help your parent organize these documents or create a list of what’s needed. This practical support can ease the stress and create a sense of shared purpose. - Encourage a Professional Meeting
You can’t (and shouldn’t) draft documents for your parent — but you can encourage them to meet with a qualified estate planning attorney. Offer to set up the appointment, drive them there, or sit in the waiting room. If your parent gives permission, you may be able to join part of the conversation. - Be Their Advocate, Not Their Decision-Maker
If your parent is still competent (mentally and legally able to make decisions), your role is to support, not take over. That means listening, encouraging, and helping them express their goals — even if they differ from what you might choose.
What You Can’t (and Shouldn’t) Do
- Sign Documents on Their Behalf
Unless you have already been granted legal authority (like a power of attorney or guardianship), you cannot make legal or financial decisions for your parent. Documents like wills, trusts, or powers of attorney must be signed by the person planning their estate — while they are of sound mind. - Pressure or Coerce
Any sign of coercion — even unintentional — can jeopardize the validity of an estate plan. It’s important that your parent makes decisions freely and feels comfortable expressing their wishes without fear of disappointing anyone. - Make Changes to Existing Plans Without Their Involvement
Even if you think your parent’s existing plan is outdated or problematic, you can’t legally alter it on your own. Work with your parent to schedule a meeting with an attorney and explore revisions together.
When to Contact an Attorney
If you notice signs of memory loss, declining health, or confusion, time may be of the essence. To complete estate planning documents, your parent must still have the legal capacity to understand what they are signing. A seasoned estate planning attorney can help assess whether your loved one is able to proceed and suggest the best path forward.
It’s also wise to contact an attorney if:
- Your parent doesn’t have a will, trust, or power of attorney
- There are multiple siblings or potential for family conflict
- Your parent owns property in multiple states
- You need to protect assets from long-term care costs
A Gift of Peace for the Whole Family
Helping your parent plan their estate isn’t just about documents — it’s about giving them peace of mind and helping your family avoid stress or uncertainty down the road. By encouraging thoughtful planning today, you’re giving everyone the gift of clarity and care for the future.
Need help starting the conversation? Contact our office for a compassionate, confidential consultation.